Creating memories for children in foster care

A memory box is a tangible way to capture a child’s milestones, achievements, and cherished moments. It serves as a bridge to their past, helping them recall important people, places, and events. As the Fostering Network highlights, even seemingly small items – like a ticket stub or a birthday card – can spark powerful memories later in life.

• Photos of special events, school activities, and everyday moments.
• Certificates of achievement and progress.
• Letters or messages from loved ones.
• Tickets, brochures, and souvenirs from outings.
• Artwork or designs created by the child.
• Items tied to family or cultural traditions.

Foster carers can also take photos of objects in the box in case they are lost or destroyed, ensuring these memories remain intact.

Life story work complements memory boxes by helping children process and understand their experiences. It provides a structured narrative that ties together fragmented memories, allowing children to reflect on their journey in a balanced and empowering way.

Key components of life story work include:

1. Recording achievements: Celebrate milestones, no matter how small, such as a child’s first tooth falling out or their first school play.
2. Capturing day-to-day life: Everyday moments, like a favourite meal or a trip to the park, can hold special meaning.
3. Therapeutic conversations: Discussing memories with sensitivity helps children make sense of their experiences and emotions.

Engaging in life story work with a child not only strengthens your bond with them and creating memories, but also reassures them that their life story matters.

For children in care, trauma can complicate the way they form and recall memories. Stress, fear, and instability often disrupt the brain’s ability to encode and consolidate events, leading to fragmented or incomplete recollections. At the same time, children may vividly remember certain traumatic moments, leaving gaps in their understanding of happier times.

To counteract this, foster carers can focus on:

• Scaffolding memories: Help children organize their experiences into coherent narratives by reflecting on events together
• Capturing positivity: Balance difficult memories with stories of joy, achievement, and connection.
• Offering emotional Support Acknowledge the child’s feelings about their past while providing reassurance and care.

1. Ask the child what’s important to them
   Every child is unique. While one may value photos, another might prefer small trinkets or written notes. Collaborate with the child to include items that are meaningful to them.
2. Document milestones and “firsts”
   Whether it’s their first time riding a bike or their last day at a particular school, capturing these moments creates a sense of continuity and progress.
3. Use Multiple formats
   Memory preservation doesn’t have to be limited to a physical box. Consider photo albums, scrapbooks, digital storybooks, or video diaries. These diverse formats ensure memories are accessible in various ways.
4. Involve important people
   Include letters, messages, or photos from family members, friends, and other significant figures in the child’s life. This reinforces their connections and highlights the people who care about them.
5. Safeguard memories during difficult times
   Children may destroy or discard items in moments of distress. To prevent loss, keep backups of photos or copies of important documents.

The memories foster carers help create and preserve can have a profound effect on children as they grow. Positive memories provide a foundation for self-esteem, resilience, and a sense of belonging. They also equip children with a narrative that helps them understand their past without feeling defined by it.

As author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie reminds us, stories have the power to repair dignity and humanize experiences. For foster children, memory work is a way to reclaim their narrative, celebrate their journey, and envision a brighter future.

As a foster carer, your role in safeguarding and creating memories is invaluable. By investing time and care into memory boxes and life story work, you’re not just preserving moments—you’re helping children build a sense of identity, connection, and hope.

Even the simplest mementos can carry profound meaning. Start by capturing small moments, collaborating with the child, and celebrating their unique story. Together, you can create a treasure trove of memories that will last a lifetime.

Lika is a therapeutic fostering agency, rated Outstanding by Ofsted. Every decision we take is based on Systemic Family Therapy principles. That means relationships, openness and honesty are at the heart of everything we do. All Lika foster carers receive extensive training in Systemic Family Therapy principles and therapeutic parenting techniques.

It’s similar to the training a newly qualified social worker receives (although not quite as technical) — so you’ll be fully prepared for your first placement and be viewed as a professional foster carer in your own right.

Being a Lika foster carer means always receiving specialised and consistent support from our expert team of professionals.

Your support will include:

• 1 to 4 weekly supervisions with your supervising social worker to talk through and understand the needs of your young person
• 24/7 out-of-hours access to one of the Lika team, so you’re never unsupported if things feel difficult
• Access to Lika’s team of skilled and knowledgeable Systemic Psychotherapist Consultants and Systemic Social Work Practitioners, who are never stuck for ideas on how to support
• Virtual monthly foster carers support meeting, led and chaired by experienced foster carers
• Virtual fortnightly Therapeutic Family Consultations, facilitated by one of our psychotherapists and open to all our agency’s foster carers
• Membership to the National Association of Therapeutic Parents and The Fostering Network
• Life coaching for foster children, birth children and foster carers
• Our Mentor Support Scheme, which partners new foster carers with more experienced foster carers
• Free training for fostering support networks. (Your family and friends are welcome to join any of the training Lika offers.)
• Access to Lika’s support workers, depending on the level of need for the young person
• Access to Lika’s Educational Consultant, who can offer ideas and advocacy in supporting young people to achieve in education
• Help from Lika’s Systemic Social Work Practitioners/Therapists, who can undertake skilled direct work without waiting lists for the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS)
• 14 to 21 days of paid respite (depending on complexity) to recharge your batteries and have some space for self-care.

If you’re in south or east London and you’re interested in becoming a foster carer, give the helpful team at Lika a call on 020 3370 0987. We’re here to answer all your questions.

We’re currently in: Barking and Dagenham, Barnet, Brent, Bexley, Bromley, Camden, City of London, Croydon, Greenwich, Hackney, Hammersmith and Fulham, Ealing, Haringey, Islington, Kensington and Chelsea, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Newham, Redbridge, Southwark, Sutton, Tower Hamlets, Wandsworth, Westminster, Enfield, Harrow, Havering, Hillingdon, Kingston upon Thames, Richmond upon Thames, Waltham Forest, Harrow and Essex.