Tattoos and piercings: how foster carers can navigate the conversation

When a young person mentions wanting tattoos or piercing, it’s easy to respond with a firm “no.” But a curious, relational approach often leads to more meaningful conversations. Try to understand why they want it:

• Is it about belonging — wanting to be like friends?
• A way of expressing identity or reclaiming control over their body?
• Linked to culture, faith, or a particular role model?

Ask open questions like:

• “What do you think it will mean for you to get a tattoo?”
• “Who do you imagine would be happy or upset about it?”
• “How do you think you might feel about it in five years?”

These questions show respect for the young person’s autonomy while helping them think about longer-term consequences.

A key part of your role is to help young people make informed decisions. Discuss the health and social risks without lecturing:

• Health implications: infections, allergic reactions, or the dangers of unregulated equipment.
• Social and professional implications: how tattoos or piercings might be viewed by future employers, schools, or even future children.
• Legal responsibility: explain that tattoo artists can face prosecution for tattooing under-18s.

You can explore these topics together online — look up stories of celebrities or public figures who regret tattoos or have faced complications. Turning it into a shared learning exercise keeps it engaging rather than punitive.

Sometimes, a young person might go ahead without telling you. If that happens:

1. Stay calm and curious. The goal is to understand, not shame.
2. Have an open conversation about why they made that choice and what it means to them.
3. Explain the legal position and your duty to inform professionals.
4. Inform the child’s social worker within 24 hours and record the details — where the tattoo or piercing is, when it happened, and who carried it out.
5. Invite the young person to be part of the process. Let them contribute to what’s written down and decide how they’d like their birth family or social worker to be informed.

If there are any health concerns — pain, infection, or unsafe equipment — seek medical attention immediately.

It can happen, particularly when teens want to prove independence or mimic friends. In this situation:

• Prioritise safety first — call for medical help if needed.
• Remove any equipment safely and explain why.
• Explore what’s driving the behaviour — is it control, identity, or peer pressure?
• Help the young person find safer alternatives for self-expression, like temporary tattoos, creative art, or cultural hairstyles.
• Record the incident and inform your supervising social worker immediately.

Moments like these are rich with relational meaning. Wanting to change one’s body often links to themes of belonging, control, or identity — key therapeutic touchpoints for children in care.

A therapeutic response might sound like:

• “It sounds like you really want to make your own choices about your body.”
• “I wonder what having a tattoo might say about who you are right now.”>
• “What do you think you’re hoping people will see or understand about you if you get one?”>

Such conversations deepen trust and help the young person feel heard, even if your decision remains the same.

Adolescence is a time of discovery — and for children in care, identity can feel fragmented or uncertain. Foster carers can help by:

• Encouraging safe forms of self-expression (fashion, art, sports, creative hobbies).
• Celebrating individuality and cultural roots.
• Using curiosity instead of control when children test boundaries.
• Keeping communication open with the child’s network — social workers, teachers, and family.

Saying “no” to tattoos or piercings under 18 isn’t just about rules, it’s about helping young people understand the why. By approaching these conversations with empathy, curiosity, and a clear sense of safety, foster carers can turn moments of potential conflict into opportunities for connection and growth.

At Lika Family Fostering, we believe in equipping carers with the confidence to handle these real-life situations therapeutically — helping children feel seen, valued, and safe while learning to make thoughtful choices about their future.

Lika is a therapeutic fostering agency, rated Outstanding by Ofsted. Every decision we take is based on Systemic Family Therapy principles. That means relationships, openness and honesty are at the heart of everything we do. All Lika foster carers receive extensive training in Systemic Family Therapy principles and therapeutic parenting techniques.

It’s similar to the training a newly qualified social worker receives (although not quite as technical) — so you’ll be fully prepared for your first placement and be viewed as a professional foster carer in your own right.

Being a Lika foster carer means always receiving specialised and consistent support from our expert team of professionals.

Your support will include:

• 1 to 4 weekly supervisions with your supervising social worker to talk through and understand the needs of your young person
• 24/7 out-of-hours access to one of the Lika team, so you’re never unsupported if things feel difficult
• Access to Lika’s team of skilled and knowledgeable Systemic Psychotherapist Consultants and Systemic Social Work Practitioners, who are never stuck for ideas on how to support
• Virtual monthly foster carers support meeting, led and chaired by experienced foster carers
• Virtual fortnightly Therapeutic Family Consultations, facilitated by one of our psychotherapists and open to all our agency’s foster carers
• Membership to the National Association of Therapeutic Parents and The Fostering Network
• Life coaching for foster children, birth children and foster carers
• Our Mentor Support Scheme, which partners new foster carers with more experienced foster carers
• Free training for fostering support networks. (Your family and friends are welcome to join any of the training Lika offers.)
• Access to Lika’s support workers, depending on the level of need for the young person
• Access to Lika’s Educational Consultant, who can offer ideas and advocacy in supporting young people to achieve in education
• Help from Lika’s Systemic Social Work Practitioners/Therapists, who can undertake skilled direct work without waiting lists for the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS)
• 14 to 21 days of paid respite (depending on complexity) to recharge your batteries and have some space for self-care.

If you’re in south or east London and you’re interested in becoming a foster carer, give the helpful team at Lika a call on 020 3370 0987. We’re here to answer all your questions.

We’re currently in: Barking and Dagenham, Barnet, Brent, Bexley, Bromley, Camden, City of London, Croydon, Greenwich, Hackney, Hammersmith and Fulham, Ealing, Haringey, Islington, Kensington and Chelsea, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Newham, Redbridge, Southwark, Sutton, Tower Hamlets, Wandsworth, Westminster, Enfield, Harrow, Havering, Hillingdon, Kingston upon Thames, Richmond upon Thames, Waltham Forest, Harrow and Essex.